Struggling......

I just need to get my thoughts and feeling out of my head.... so it maybe a mess to understand.. just fyi!

Struggling... with life... struggling with people that leave me out.. struggling with not judging them... stuggling with not being in the middle of something... struggling with making the right choice.. struggling with everything!!!

How do I stop this? Can I stop struggling? Is this a test? Do I not have enought faith in God? Why am I judging others? UGHH.. so many questions and not many answers!!

Today I am lost, I have prayed today, I have listened.. i think...

Why am I judging others when i have no right to? I try not to because I don't like it when others judge me! Am I jealous because they have something I don't or because I don't do what they do?
I don't know what it is, but I know I need to stop! I hate myself when I do it, and I feel very guilty after I judge them. I pray for forgiviness, and after I do I feel better, but I just can't stop judging today. I hate hate hate it! Struggling..... God help me, help me to stop, help me to love these persons and not judge them for what ever reason.

Struggling... I know I am not alone. I know that there are others who are struggling too. God help me help them to trust you more! Let us slow down to listen to you, to look for your answers. Life is going to be a stuggle if we don't have that faith in the one who struggles with us! Thank you God for everything even when i am struggling, you know the answers and the plan, I just need to have faith. Faith that is ever going strong in you.

Praising God for all things big and small.. for my beautiful son, for my friends who love me even when I am hard to love, for the thank yous from the the kids at school, for the peeks of sun, and for struggling.. With God all things are possible!

Even though I am struggling tonight.. I am thankful that God never ever is far away feeling what I am feeling!

On the outside looking in.....

That's right, always on the outside looking in... at work, church, friends or family.. whatever it is that is how i find myself. It never fails and to be honest is SUCKS!! Why? That is what I want to know, why? I think that I am a great friend, I am trustworthy, honest and caring plus more.... I never try to be someone I am not, never have and never will. I am who i am because that is how my God wants me. And I try not to get worked up over it but today it have boiled up inside me, and no matter how hard I try it won't go away. Maybe this happens because I don't go out, or because I think I am to old to to things or because I know that I have a family. So what ever the case it SUCKS!!!

See back in november I learn that life moves to fast and we need to stop and slow down. And i have slowed down... in other words i have joined the slow club. It has opened my eyes to see things that I would never see. My life isn't always wonderful, but when I take things slow my life is wonderful. So why do I feel left out? Is it God teaching me something or is it I am reading into things that are not there. I don't know what the answer is but it has me leaning on God... Looking for answers wondering what the net step is.. I love my co workers, friends, family, and church family.

You see the important things in life are not if you fit in or being upset because you are being left out, but to have faith in the one who made you, who loves you even if you don't feel like you don't fit in. In his eyes you fit in right where you are.God is always testing you in you faith or maybe it is satan testing you. So who ever is testing you it builds you in your faith and teaches you that God never fails you ever!!! Yes it hurts not to feel like you don't fit in but God never makes you feel un-welcomed.

So I do fit in.. It may not be clear to me all the time. I fit in with the one who loves me always.. and I am so thankful for that.. I have a loving God and he is always faithful... and that is all I need to fit in....