life... an update???

So I thought I would update you all on my lunch with Nicole. It went well, and of course it was just like all the other times we were together... our chat was nothing deep but very general. I didn't cry when I left, and I think that it is because I am over it or very unemotional (wow that is a big word). Anyways I have not heard from her and I don't think that I will for a while I am guessing.. Moving on, Duane and I have decided that we are ready for another little Lloyd running around. I think that the next baby will be that last one.. 2 sounds good. We are ready to get out of my parents house too, but in order to do that I will have to get a full time job. And I am ok with that. So now I just have to find the right job that will pay me enough to put William in daycare, and still have money left over to pay bills.
In other news... Youth has started up again and I am excited about the new year and a new youth pastor. What an exciting time!!
Wednesday nights have started up.. or SOUP and I am in a class the fist time in about... oh ever!!! And I am enjoying it. I have learned a lot about me. It is nice to beable to do something for me and not have a 3 year old there distracting me.
I think that I am done rambling on.. Next time hopefully I will have more to say.

hmmmmm......

So in a matter of days my best friend of 26 plus years is moving to a different state. I thought that I was ok with it because we have grown apart the last few years. But deep down inside I don't want her to move. As I sit here I can't stop thinking about how my life hasn't changed all that much,well ok it has a little, but to me it hasn't. I am in the same town I grow up in and it doesn't look like I will ever be moving out of it. This is not what I had planned for my life. I had big dreams of getting my education and teaching and having a big family and not to worry about how I am going to pay a bill. I guess part of my dram has come true I have a family thou it isn't as big as I hoped but I am ok with it. My dream wasn't what God plan was, and I am having a hard time excepting it. I want God to be in control but why is it that when things don't go the way you want the first thing you think is God why are you doing this to me? I have said that a number of times in my life and I sit here saying it now. Why? I don't know, but it is hard not to just wait and see what God is doing in my life. I know that he is making the perfect person in his eyes, but why don't I like what I am going though to became the person he wants me to be? Is it life's lessons, or is God trying to teach me something important and I am not listening. OOPS I think that I got off the subject.... Sorry.. anyways.. So Nicole, my friend, and I are going to lunch next Monday for the last time for a while. There are so many things that I was to say to her, but I don't want to leave on bad note.. I should just tell her what is on my heart and pray that she understands what I am saying... Much easier said than done!! So by now you are all saying to yourself the women needs help, right? Well, I don't need help just some prayers that I can better understand what God is telling me, and that I can find comfort in his word. Thanks for reading... God bless you all!!

do you speak english

Your Linguistic Profile:

65% General American English

10% Dixie

10% Upper Midwestern

5% Midwestern

5% Yankee

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

sorry for the lack of updating

So life has been crazy the last few months... that is why I have not updated... So just a little overview of what has been happening... Starting in June.. Duane, William and I moved in with my parents.. why you ask..well.. We could no longer afford to do it on one income..so we decided that we needed to move in with someone so that we could get our bills paid off..so we are doing that now and things are looking up for us... than my dad had knee replacment surgery and he is recovering from that very well. July was another crazy month.. my sister, Joy, becam very ill and was put in the hospital for about 4 days. it was decided that the meds. that she was on was making her sick.. she had lost 23 pounds and her white blood cell count was 2800... but now she is doing much better and is back to her old self... Than William turned 3 Aug. 2 ... he is getting so big.. I took him to the doctor today and he is 34lbs and 40 inches tall. He has come a long way from that 4lbs 2ozs baby.... So I think that I have updated everything that I can think of.... Oh William has his own blog .. check it out.... www.williamlloyd.blogspot.com.. I hope to have birthday pictures up soon...

Friday, April 14, 2006

Who am I

So yesterday I was watching Oprah. And she had 4 woman on that had lost who they were. As I was watching I thought to myself... "Who am I" ... And my first thought was I am a mom, a wife, sister, daughter... I could go on.. But that is not really who I am.. There titles that I have gotten. So who am I? Yep I have no idea. It is hard to think about myself. I put everyone that I love first before myself. Is this the right thinks to do? Some would say yes others would say no. I say... Well I am sure that I should put myself first, but I don't know how. I am sure I use to when I was single and only had to think about ME. So how does one put themselves first before all others? Hmm... I don't know what the answer is? Do I take time away from William and Duane to make time for me? It is hard to even think that taking time away from them is even right. I do feel like that I have lost who I am, but I am not sure how to find myself.. I am sure it won't happen over night like I would like. So I will take one day at a time.. So today is day 1.. So step one would be to find time for me.. Not matter what right? So is this the time I have my flogging? Or is it something like taking a shower without anyone coming in and asking me questions? I just don't know. So for the next few days, weeks, months I will be trying to find out who I am.
So just a couple questions that were also asked or stated to these women
1) What's the one thing missing in my life?
2) When I was born, what was the plan for my life?

Ok so as I written down these questions I thought to myself only God knows that the plan is for my life. So how can I answer that question? If God is in charge of my life than why would I want to change the plan or even know what it is? Isn't that what makes life exciting and unknown? So what do you think? Your thoughts? Leave a comment...
Have a great Easter!!
Love,
me

Connected to whom??

Not much to report.. It has been a slow week. And I am very happy for that.
So I have been pondering a feel things in my head and I thought I would share them..
First, how can you feel so connected to someone for a while and than all of a sudden not even feel like they even care about you? Is this even possible? Maybe it is because they have moved on with there life and are busy or is it that I have moved on? I wish I could answer these questions but I can't. I try to figure it out but the more I think about the more I don't understand. I haven't listen to God about this, so I have no idea if he is even trying to tell me anything. I am so wrapped up in not been connected to these persons that I can't anything around me. How so I stop this? Take a time out from everything and just listen and pray, is that the answer? Or maybe I am being selfish and want them to make me a part of there life? But that isn't possible because they don't live here. Or maybe I am over reacting, and our connection hasn't changed. But as I sit here I am thinking that if I am so worried about my connection with friends, what is my connection with God like? hmmm.. The more I type that more I am thinking that I need to work on me and God ... My journey... It is amazing to me that when I starting typing everything is made so clear to me.. Is it God telling me to stop and work on what is important... ME....

So if I have confused any of you sorry.. But I now understand better what I need to do.. Thanks for reading.. Comments are always welcome...

100

So today was my great grandma's 100th birthday. She had no clue it was her birthday. And she didn't know that she was 100. It is amazing to me that I know someone that is 100. But she is in really bad shape. She weights maybe 60 pounds. She really doesn't look like my great grandma. Well at least the one I use to know. And that is how I choose to remember her and a women that knew everyone and loved them no matter what. I know that when God decides to take her home. She will be that person I use to know. That is all for know, I am blessed to have a family that has 5 generations. And I am blessed to be apart of it!!

How to Listen to God?

So the last few weeks have been stressful. I never thought that I would ever have to deal with anyone in my family having breast cancer. BUT I am! My grandma has breast cancer. Yesterday she had surgery. They took her whole breast and four or more lymphnodes ( I can't spell medical words). It is unclear if the cancer has moved anywhere else in her body.
So the last few weeks I can't tell you how many times I have told God that this can't happen to my grandma let alone to my family. But though it all God has been there. I know that God is trying to teach me something. I have to admit I am not the best at listening to God when I am blaming him for what is going on. I have yet to figure that I should be blaming God that I should just listen to him and so as he says. SO I did that yesterday. I wasn't going to go to the hospital, but I felt like God was telling to go and be with my mom and grandpa. I am glad that I was there. My mom needed my shoulder to cry on and I was able to let her do that. Though all this my mom has been strong and yesterday she couldn't so my oldest sister and I were strong for her! The more I type the more I think that none of this makes sense. But maybe it does. It is just a lot of thoughts that I have had and needed to get the out somewhere. I just praise God that he is able to hold my family in his arms right not and that no matter what happens he will be there for us. Though I can't not see him I know that he is standing right beside me. Thank you, God for all that you have done for me and my family. I love you God!!