Long time no blog....

So it has been forever.... So I thought that I would try this again. We shall see what happens.

life... an update???

So I thought I would update you all on my lunch with Nicole. It went well, and of course it was just like all the other times we were together... our chat was nothing deep but very general. I didn't cry when I left, and I think that it is because I am over it or very unemotional (wow that is a big word). Anyways I have not heard from her and I don't think that I will for a while I am guessing.. Moving on, Duane and I have decided that we are ready for another little Lloyd running around. I think that the next baby will be that last one.. 2 sounds good. We are ready to get out of my parents house too, but in order to do that I will have to get a full time job. And I am ok with that. So now I just have to find the right job that will pay me enough to put William in daycare, and still have money left over to pay bills.
In other news... Youth has started up again and I am excited about the new year and a new youth pastor. What an exciting time!!
Wednesday nights have started up.. or SOUP and I am in a class the fist time in about... oh ever!!! And I am enjoying it. I have learned a lot about me. It is nice to beable to do something for me and not have a 3 year old there distracting me.
I think that I am done rambling on.. Next time hopefully I will have more to say.

hmmmmm......

So in a matter of days my best friend of 26 plus years is moving to a different state. I thought that I was ok with it because we have grown apart the last few years. But deep down inside I don't want her to move. As I sit here I can't stop thinking about how my life hasn't changed all that much,well ok it has a little, but to me it hasn't. I am in the same town I grow up in and it doesn't look like I will ever be moving out of it. This is not what I had planned for my life. I had big dreams of getting my education and teaching and having a big family and not to worry about how I am going to pay a bill. I guess part of my dram has come true I have a family thou it isn't as big as I hoped but I am ok with it. My dream wasn't what God plan was, and I am having a hard time excepting it. I want God to be in control but why is it that when things don't go the way you want the first thing you think is God why are you doing this to me? I have said that a number of times in my life and I sit here saying it now. Why? I don't know, but it is hard not to just wait and see what God is doing in my life. I know that he is making the perfect person in his eyes, but why don't I like what I am going though to became the person he wants me to be? Is it life's lessons, or is God trying to teach me something important and I am not listening. OOPS I think that I got off the subject.... Sorry.. anyways.. So Nicole, my friend, and I are going to lunch next Monday for the last time for a while. There are so many things that I was to say to her, but I don't want to leave on bad note.. I should just tell her what is on my heart and pray that she understands what I am saying... Much easier said than done!! So by now you are all saying to yourself the women needs help, right? Well, I don't need help just some prayers that I can better understand what God is telling me, and that I can find comfort in his word. Thanks for reading... God bless you all!!

do you speak english

Your Linguistic Profile:

65% General American English

10% Dixie

10% Upper Midwestern

5% Midwestern

5% Yankee

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

sorry for the lack of updating

So life has been crazy the last few months... that is why I have not updated... So just a little overview of what has been happening... Starting in June.. Duane, William and I moved in with my parents.. why you ask..well.. We could no longer afford to do it on one income..so we decided that we needed to move in with someone so that we could get our bills paid off..so we are doing that now and things are looking up for us... than my dad had knee replacment surgery and he is recovering from that very well. July was another crazy month.. my sister, Joy, becam very ill and was put in the hospital for about 4 days. it was decided that the meds. that she was on was making her sick.. she had lost 23 pounds and her white blood cell count was 2800... but now she is doing much better and is back to her old self... Than William turned 3 Aug. 2 ... he is getting so big.. I took him to the doctor today and he is 34lbs and 40 inches tall. He has come a long way from that 4lbs 2ozs baby.... So I think that I have updated everything that I can think of.... Oh William has his own blog .. check it out.... www.williamlloyd.blogspot.com.. I hope to have birthday pictures up soon...

Friday, April 14, 2006

Who am I

So yesterday I was watching Oprah. And she had 4 woman on that had lost who they were. As I was watching I thought to myself... "Who am I" ... And my first thought was I am a mom, a wife, sister, daughter... I could go on.. But that is not really who I am.. There titles that I have gotten. So who am I? Yep I have no idea. It is hard to think about myself. I put everyone that I love first before myself. Is this the right thinks to do? Some would say yes others would say no. I say... Well I am sure that I should put myself first, but I don't know how. I am sure I use to when I was single and only had to think about ME. So how does one put themselves first before all others? Hmm... I don't know what the answer is? Do I take time away from William and Duane to make time for me? It is hard to even think that taking time away from them is even right. I do feel like that I have lost who I am, but I am not sure how to find myself.. I am sure it won't happen over night like I would like. So I will take one day at a time.. So today is day 1.. So step one would be to find time for me.. Not matter what right? So is this the time I have my flogging? Or is it something like taking a shower without anyone coming in and asking me questions? I just don't know. So for the next few days, weeks, months I will be trying to find out who I am.
So just a couple questions that were also asked or stated to these women
1) What's the one thing missing in my life?
2) When I was born, what was the plan for my life?

Ok so as I written down these questions I thought to myself only God knows that the plan is for my life. So how can I answer that question? If God is in charge of my life than why would I want to change the plan or even know what it is? Isn't that what makes life exciting and unknown? So what do you think? Your thoughts? Leave a comment...
Have a great Easter!!
Love,
me

Connected to whom??

Not much to report.. It has been a slow week. And I am very happy for that.
So I have been pondering a feel things in my head and I thought I would share them..
First, how can you feel so connected to someone for a while and than all of a sudden not even feel like they even care about you? Is this even possible? Maybe it is because they have moved on with there life and are busy or is it that I have moved on? I wish I could answer these questions but I can't. I try to figure it out but the more I think about the more I don't understand. I haven't listen to God about this, so I have no idea if he is even trying to tell me anything. I am so wrapped up in not been connected to these persons that I can't anything around me. How so I stop this? Take a time out from everything and just listen and pray, is that the answer? Or maybe I am being selfish and want them to make me a part of there life? But that isn't possible because they don't live here. Or maybe I am over reacting, and our connection hasn't changed. But as I sit here I am thinking that if I am so worried about my connection with friends, what is my connection with God like? hmmm.. The more I type that more I am thinking that I need to work on me and God ... My journey... It is amazing to me that when I starting typing everything is made so clear to me.. Is it God telling me to stop and work on what is important... ME....

So if I have confused any of you sorry.. But I now understand better what I need to do.. Thanks for reading.. Comments are always welcome...

100

So today was my great grandma's 100th birthday. She had no clue it was her birthday. And she didn't know that she was 100. It is amazing to me that I know someone that is 100. But she is in really bad shape. She weights maybe 60 pounds. She really doesn't look like my great grandma. Well at least the one I use to know. And that is how I choose to remember her and a women that knew everyone and loved them no matter what. I know that when God decides to take her home. She will be that person I use to know. That is all for know, I am blessed to have a family that has 5 generations. And I am blessed to be apart of it!!

How to Listen to God?

So the last few weeks have been stressful. I never thought that I would ever have to deal with anyone in my family having breast cancer. BUT I am! My grandma has breast cancer. Yesterday she had surgery. They took her whole breast and four or more lymphnodes ( I can't spell medical words). It is unclear if the cancer has moved anywhere else in her body.
So the last few weeks I can't tell you how many times I have told God that this can't happen to my grandma let alone to my family. But though it all God has been there. I know that God is trying to teach me something. I have to admit I am not the best at listening to God when I am blaming him for what is going on. I have yet to figure that I should be blaming God that I should just listen to him and so as he says. SO I did that yesterday. I wasn't going to go to the hospital, but I felt like God was telling to go and be with my mom and grandpa. I am glad that I was there. My mom needed my shoulder to cry on and I was able to let her do that. Though all this my mom has been strong and yesterday she couldn't so my oldest sister and I were strong for her! The more I type the more I think that none of this makes sense. But maybe it does. It is just a lot of thoughts that I have had and needed to get the out somewhere. I just praise God that he is able to hold my family in his arms right not and that no matter what happens he will be there for us. Though I can't not see him I know that he is standing right beside me. Thank you, God for all that you have done for me and my family. I love you God!!

I am still alive

So I have a been a bad blogger... sorry. So the last time I blog Marcus and Jessica were getting ready to leave. Well they are gone now and I miss them tons.
Not sure really where to start typing. So I will start somewhere and just type so sorry if you get lost..
Duane and I decided that it was time to look for a house. We are ready to have a place of our own. So we started to look, but I was already in love with Marcus and Jessica house. So that is were we started. We looked at it and decided that we would try to get a loan for it. So we started what has been a long process of getting money to buy a home. Let me just tell you right now it is the worse process ever. It has taken almost a month just to get a answer. So this week we got a answer, they said we need one more bill in Duane's name before we give you the loan. Problem. All or most of the bills are in my name, so we couldn't come up with another bill in his name. So we thought that we weren't getting the loan. And I at first was very upset because they were saying that we were going to get the loan without a problem. So all week I have been kinda down, but I am over it now because I now know what I have to do next year. So I called the mortage people to get all our stuff back. And I learned that they are still trying to get us a loan. SO we will see I am not getting my hopes up.
In other news, I am feeling a little disconnected from the youth and the youth leadership team. Not sure why that is. But I don't like it! I love working with the kids and the other leaders, but i just in a low point. We seem to be disorganized and lost. No one seems to be taking on the lead role. or maybe it is we have to many trying to take on the role. I can't really tell. So I just keep praying that we get a youth pastor and that I get reconnected to everyone.

Okay Tim I have updated ya... I will try and do better at this..

Have a great weekend and a great holiday

Feelings

So in about 3 weeks or so a good friend is moving... He has gotten his dream job. Don't get me wrong I am very happy for them, but mad anger sad all at the same time.. About a year ago I started working with the youth group.. and Marcus was/is a great mentor! He has been there though a lot with me.. He is always so positive .. it just wears off on a person.. like me! It is amazing how God can work though someone to make you look deeper inside yourself. On a number to times I have done this... just stopped to listen to what my heart was telling me.. and it has brought me closer to God! So how can one have so many feelings go though them at one time.. Because I have them all right now... happy mad anger and sad.... how can this be?

The stresses of life

Why when you think you have it all under control something happens.. and you don't... Is this just God's way of testing me? I wish I knew... but I don't and I know I need to just leave it to God, but that is harder than I thought. I have tried but nothing ever happens when I want it to.. I guess I want the control and not let God do it... I just need to trust God more and not keep control... but how?? If I didn't stress about money it would be something else.. Why does one stress for? If God knows our life story than why do we worry about everything? Does God do this so to see how far we will go before we say ok God I am done.. you tell me what to do.. Is it ok that we question God.. It is times like this that I think that God doesn't care about me, but I know that he is there and cares all the time... I don't normally worry about money or other things.. but I am today for some reason.. Maybe God wants me to go back to work if that is the case than I will.. but I love staying home with William... maybe a part time job so that I can still be home with him too I haven't worked in over a year and who is going to hire someone who only wants to work on darning the week and not the weekends? And part time .. I have thought about watching kids, but how do I do that... meaning how do I get the word out there...
And to make matters worse, some people I am very close with are moving.. and I am sad.. I love them dearly and they have done so much for me and my family.. Words can't express how I am feeling about them leaving.. I will miss them tons and will always be thankful to them ..

Pray that I can give God control and trust him more... And keep my friends in your prayers as they move to there new jobs thanks

Love,
Me

William & Mommy at William's b-day party 

my cool son william 

Why won't they leave???!!!!

So I think that I have learned a lesson this month... Imagine that!!! So this is the story.. The short version... About 3 weeks ago a family friend called and said that she and her boy needed a place to stay for a week because their apartment was in a remodeling stage.. And of course being the good friend that I am I said yes.. well so did Duane.. So they came up from Indy and stayed with us for a week, and another week and wait one more week.. that is right 3 weeks!! And I am beyond ready for them to leave!! It is messing up Williams sleep habits.. and for that matter mine too.. it sucks to be honest!! I found out today that there apartment has been done for a week!! GGGGRRRRR-NESS... yes I made that word up!! So I have cooked almost everynight for them .. and not once did they say Marianne we will cook tonight... So I am ready to run away from my own apartment because they are here... not good huh? They ARE going to leave by Monday or else... you are thinking or else what.... I am not sure but they will be gone!!!
On another note, I have my own small group this year for youth! It is all girls.. you got it..girls.. they are funny, talkative, and everything else girls do... So here is my issue.. they don't really care to do anything but chat .. which is ok but I fell like we need to do more.. so last week we watch this DVD on flames.. aka love.. and how there are 3 different levels of love ... anywho.. they seem to get into it a little... I am hoping this is a good sign!! Keep my some group of young ladies in your prayers that God will work on there hearts and minds... thanks!!
On more thing William is growing like crazy and he says about billion words.. ok not that many but it seems like it.. I will post a picture of him soon.. he is sooooooooooooo cute!! I wonder why??!! hahaha

Cathy and Me 

Mission trip

The mission trip was amazing!! I had a great time with the kids and seeing all the sites in Philly... The cheesesteaks are wonderful!! We stayed in a church that had no A/C , but the girls had window a/c so it wasn't too bad. My crew went to the food bank for a day and a half. The first day we were there we stocked so that the food pantries could come in and shop. So it would cast the food pantry $.18 per pound to buy food, and all the bread was free to them. Than the half day we were there we made food boxes for senior citizens who had little or no money to buy food. We spent a day at one of the many senior citizen center in Philly. We just sat around and just talked about whatever came to mind. I am not a big fan of old people.. I don't know why but I am not.. Anyways, theses ladies were cute and none of them looked like they were in there late 80's. Than we were at kids club for two days, I was in the power station, in the station we taught the kids a bible story and we would sing songs. The kids always wanted to help hold the signs for the songs or be in the skit we did.. They were very helpful. I learned a lot about myself... Like... I am doing the right thing working with these youth, I feel more called to do this now than I ever did.. I also learned that I shouldn't be scared of old people they won't die on me.. silly I know but I have always had that fear.

Yesterday was Williams 2nd birthday!! He is getting so big! He is almost bottle broke.. yeah for his parents!! And he isn't getting rocked anymore.. I am so proud of him!! So I think that it is time for a new baby.. Yes that is right .. I said it I am ready!!...

Love,
ME

time is flying by!!!

It has been a while.. but things are going well! Duane got a new job and starts July 16th!! It is closer to home!! In fact, the same city!! My grandma is doing better everyday, she will be going to a nursing home on Tues. for 3 months. This will help her get her muscles built up.
In other news, in 6 days I will be on my way to Philly! I will be gone for 9 days.. and I will get to see the ocean for the first time in my life!! I don't travel much!! I am going to take tons of pictures. William will be staying with my mom and dad for the 7 days!! I am sure that he will be fine.. He loves going over there. No much else has happened or is happening.. so I guess this will be a short blog!! God Bless you all!! love- ME

Life....

1. Well, it had been crazy the last few days. Last weds. My grandma fell and broke her leg and had surgery on thurs. night. Friday my sister, Joy had her baby, a girl! She is cute as a button!! So I was at the hospital a lot this past weekend. In the mix of all that I throw my back out!! OUCH!! Still trying to recover from that...
   The sermon that Craig gave on Sunday was something I needed to hear!! It is like God knew I needed to hear him (God) loud and clear. And I did! I have always felt like the underdog, weather it would be in school, college, in the public eye. I try not to judge others, because I don't like to be judged. I don't care what others look like because that is there shell not who they are. Just like my body is my shell... my heart tells another story!! I feel like I have been taken out of the underdog crowd, because now I am a human being and not that fat person! God does work he wonders on me each and everyday!! And that makes me love him more!!!